Just recently I took a trip with a few friends to Six Flags Great America. Two new friends, one I met for the first time on this outing. I absolutely fell in love with this lady. So happy I don’t like vageens, because I love her to pieces! You know how you meet someone and after that first meeting you know that are a complete match? Well it’s happened. Sorry ladies but this Homo is now off the market. Rachel Martin in all of her inappropriateness and glory has claimed me as her gay. Yes, you read correctly. We’re going steady, we’re pretty exclusive now. Its okay ladies, I’m sure there’s a great gay out there for you.
That’s just the tip (ha ha, just the tip) of the iceberg though. We pretty much like all of the same things. Cartoons, video games, comics, crude humor, alcoholic beverages, public debauchery at times, just to name a few…actually just to name several, but do you know the best part? Of course you don’t that’s why I’m going to tell you! She was a total virgin to the gay world! Now I just absolutely loooove popping cherries, especially the metaphorical ones, they don’t bleed as much.
I just finished up a conversation on twitter with her, and found out she didn’t know we (“we” being homos) farted. Of course we fart silly, and poop even more. How else do you think we make room for penile/phallic insertion? We do not bleed though, unless you push it in a bit too rough.
Anywho I after reassuring her of the homo’s gassy nature, I told her I would dedicate a blog for her, a brochure if you will. The brochure thing was Rachel’s idea. That being said I have composed a small list of things my new hag needs to know…
- We fart too!
- We are frequent alcohol abusers, and now so are you.
- Fact: we love sex.
- Always ask your hotel concierge for the gay part of town. There’s always one.
- We love Beyonce’ (White or Black Gays) the bitch is fierce.
- We do not say fierce anymore. Ha ha
- Fact: We’re very exceptional penis receptacles, any questions just ask.
- Never practice with a banana hurts like hell. Use a cucumber if needed, goes in/down smoother. (only for emergencies)
- We dance when we hear music, doesn’t matter where we are so consider yourself forewarned.
- Extremely honest: beware, we won’t hold back when doling out advice of any kind.
- Will & Grace is the way to our heart, so is a good penis and a nice face (just throwing that out there).
- Love humor at other’s expense.
- Be Prepared to judge people all the time…it’s just fun (harmless fun)
- Did I mention sex was a key topic? (in all conversations)
- Anything and everything considered inappropriate, maybe even lewd sometimes in everyday life=appropriate in “everygay” life…
So there’s your yum-yums hags, I’m going to shave my cat so that it knows it has nipples (thank you deven green), only after I bake a little bread. (and not the kind that Betty bakes ;)